Why loneliness puts you in the health danger zone

It’s no surprise there is a stack of research which links loneliness with depression. Photo / 123RF
The stats don’t lie. Loneliness is endemic in our society. According to the Office of National Statistics (ONS) in the UK, around a quarter of adults (27%) report they have felt lonely always, often or some of the time. Age UK reveals that nearly a million older people across the country say they repeatedly feel lonely, while 4.2 million people aged over 65 live alone. And that’s the ones we know about. Data aside, what about those who fall under the research radar, living silently in loneliness? The numbers are likely to be far greater.
The taboo around admitting feeling lonely gets in our way. No wonder people are reluctant to acknowledge it, especially when ugly terms like “sad loner” evoke connotations of desolation and rejection. Few of us find it easy to own up to being in need, and if loneliness has already eroded our confidence, admission is an intimidating hurdle.
And so we bury ourselves in our devices, we watch families move away to the other side of the world, we work from home in seclusion, we remain blind to the fact that social media provides contact but not real connection, and we keep quiet. But silence is deadly. Mounting research reveals that loneliness can be extremely detrimental to our mental and physical health, causing depression and overwhelm, and increasing the risk of heart disease, stroke, Parkinson’s and dementia.
James Baker, 28, found himself in a difficult place after a sequence of events changed his life. “It was like a perfect storm,” he says. “My best friend moved to Australia, two other friends had babies and stopped socialising, then I broke up with my girlfriend of four years. I felt so detached from everything and caught in a spiral of misery. For months, I fell into a pit of isolation. I had no desire to do anything other than watch endless rubbish television and eat awful food. I put on weight, which made me feel worse, and I hated myself for being so lethargic.
“There were periods when I didn’t speak to another soul for days and the weight of that silence was overwhelming. Then one weekend, I forced myself to go to a colleague’s birthday dinner, but I was so anxious, I had a panic attack and couldn’t walk into the restaurant. My heart was racing, I felt sick, I had brain fog; it was terrifying. I sat on the pavement outside with my head in my hands, thinking ‘What the hell is wrong with me?’
“It was a turning point though, because afterwards I decided to talk to my sister. She helped me to understand that because my support network had disappeared, I was lonely and depressed, and it was impacting me physically and mentally. It hadn’t occurred to me that my lack of contact with the world had contributed to me feeling so terrible.”
Being around people is one of the most stimulating experiences we will go through. Even if that other person is driving you mad, your brain is still acutely sharpened by interaction. And, as naturally social beings, we feed off relationships. By ingesting the behaviour and influence of other folk, we can feel significantly more engaged, inspired and alive.
The latest research from The Lancet states, “Loneliness was associated with increased dementia risk in three reviews comprising eight studies. An increased dementia risk of 34–91 per cent was reported in subsequent studies, in the United States over 10 years, in the Netherlands and Sweden over 14 years, and in Japan over five years.”
Tara Spires-Jones is a neuroscientist and president of the British Neuroscience Association. She says, “Research reveals that the more you are socially and mentally active, the more the brain builds up a strong network of synaptic connections where the neurons talk to each other, thus enhancing brain function. In my lab experiments, mice have been used to analyse environment enrichment. The studies show that when the mice are given toys, exist in groups and experience stimulation, their brains respond better.”
Scientists are also beginning to consider the fact that lonely people tend to be less able to handle stress. Not only does the stress response increase heart rate and blood pressure, but it can also activate the immune system, elevating levels of some inflammatory chemicals which, over time, can be damaging for brain health.
Cara Taylor, 27, who lives alone, shares this poignant observation. “There’s no one asking if you are feeling okay,” she said, “which has a huge impact on your sense of wellbeing. But also, it’s important for you to be thinking about the welfare of others too. When you don’t share the everyday with someone, you can quickly become detached from the needs of people, and dare I say, emotionally void.”
It’s no surprise there is a stack of research which links loneliness with depression. Age UK reports that nine in 10 people who say they’re often or always lonely also say they are unhappy or depressed. And three million older people say the television/radio is their main source of company, while 1.6 million older people say they don’t have anyone to talk to about their feelings. And recent research by Specsavers revealed 91 per cent of over 65s consider loneliness to be a significant problem among their generation, and 54 per cent of elderly adults have gone days without interacting with another person.
For many, loneliness and depression reinforce each other, getting stuck in a negative loop and chronically exacerbating feelings of despair, stress and exclusion.
Psychotherapist Kelli Novak at The Soke clinic in Chelsea, London, adds, “There is a stigma around being lonely, which only makes the situation worse because then people avoid confronting it. Being isolated can trigger feelings of depression, which can cause further withdrawal and escalate loneliness, and so the cycle goes on. This can be overwhelming and can easily smother someone. I encourage my clients to try small actions – smile at the person making your takeaway coffee, say hello to a neighbour – to build confidence and feel you have interrupted that sense of helplessness.”
Ageing men can be submerged in loneliness after a relationship breakdown, or the loss of a partner or their peers. Jennifer Pitt is a psychotherapist and manager at Bereft Bereavement Support for the borough of Ealing. She says, “Typically, only around 20 per cent of our clients are men; they seem to find it harder to open up about feeling lonely, even though this is a very common topic in our work with the bereaved. Also, many of our male clients seem to take longer to arrive at our metaphorical door and so they are already in a heightened state of emotional distress. It’s so typical for them to not speak about their feelings, even for years, which means they have endured that sense of loneliness for all that time.”
Kelli Novak adds, “In my practice, I have noticed there are a lot of men in their middle ages who are friendless; they tend to depend on their wives to make connections with others. If their marriage ends or the wife dies, their social networks quickly deteriorate and they can be left feeling extremely isolated.”
Re-engage is the only UK charity aiming to end loneliness for those aged 75 and over. They say men are outnumbered at their specially organised tea parties by five to one. Jenny Willott, the chief executive of Re-engage, shares: “The level of loneliness among older people is quite shocking. Some of them rarely leave their homes or speak to anyone. In fact, some say their existence is just like being in prison. You can appreciate the scale of the problem when 100 older people are referred to us every week.”
Ian Sinclair is an eloquent and engaging 85-year-old who lives in Lanarkshire, Scotland. “I lost my wife, Chris, 12 years ago; we were married 45 years,” he says. “It was so strange after she went, walking through the front door and realising I wouldn’t see her. Having a routine helped, but if I ever found myself with nothing to do, I’d mope around, often talking to her in my head. I still turn over in bed and think, ‘Don’t disturb Chris’, but of course, she’s not there. Through Re-engage I joined a group who meet up once a month for a tea party at a host’s house. It gives me something to look forward to and the social interaction helps me to feel connected. We laugh and share our news. I always come back home feeling more upbeat. It’s good to have company.”
“I started a new job in a new town, and I had no friends,” recalls Kate Turner, 48. I was stressed and lonely, but forever walking around with a smile on my face, pretending everything was okay. Within two months I was covered in scaly, itchy psoriasis. I looked like I had extreme sunburn. When I went to my GP she said the flare-up was related to my anxiety. I broke down in her surgery and told her how lonely I felt. It was such a relief saying it out loud.”
On a very basic level, being with others means someone is watching out for us. Family and friends will remind us to take a tablet, they might notice something untoward going on in our bodies, they help us recover after illness.
Thibo David, a performance fitness coach, endorses the importance of connection: “Studies reveal that chronic loneliness can lead to increased inflammation, high blood pressure, and accelerated ageing. According to research, prolonged social isolation can be as harmful to health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, significantly increasing the risk of heart disease, stroke, and early mortality.
“Other studies show that spending time with grandchildren can notably benefit grandparents’ brain function, overall mood and longevity. Dopamine, a neurotransmitter central to the brain’s reward system, is released during pleasurable activities, reinforcing positive behaviours and strengthening social bonds. In the Blue Zone (regions known for a healthier, longer life) the strong sense of community plays a crucial role in wellbeing. The bottom line is, we need people to help us be our best selves.”